she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
