According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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