im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
