What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
