Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's blow job season.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
