I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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