I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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