Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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