I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
