Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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