According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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