dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
