so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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