I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
