I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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