dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
