There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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