Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
