Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
