Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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