Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize