I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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