It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
