Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
