i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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