there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
