Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
