I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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