Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize