We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
