He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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