she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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