I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
