i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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