they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
