How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I touched a dick in church today
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