you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
