The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
