dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
