Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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