If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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