dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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