I wish my penis had an off switch
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
