i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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