I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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