shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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