this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize