Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
