Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
