I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
