I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
