I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His nipple licking is glorious
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