I'm gonna have a badass scar
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
