My hair reeks of homosexuality.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
