He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
