She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
