Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
