maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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