so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
