the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
