About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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