The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
