and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
