The maid of honor just puked.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
